After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
