you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
