When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
