It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
