I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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