dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
