brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
