somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
