This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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