I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
