Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
