I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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