Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
