She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
