did you get engaged???
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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