Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
