In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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