Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
