When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize