My brain says no but my pants say off.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
