You just made me feel so damn special
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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