Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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