i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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