paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
