Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
