I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
