How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
soo... how was my night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
