You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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