where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i will never coherently bang her
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
