Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
