She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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