Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
