She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
