After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
