i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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