I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
