i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
