Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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