did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no you cant smoke seaweed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We need a shit load of segways right now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
