he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
