the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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