I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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