I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
