He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is wine microwaveable?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
