I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
