my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
