So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ttyl tear gas
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
