Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize