ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
