we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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