oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In other news, I just burned my penis
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
God, I missed his penis.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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