Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
