I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
