I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
