She is in my trunk
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
