dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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