The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
