I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
