The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
well I can't set my house on fire every night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
