just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize