what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
