i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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