I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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