The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
