So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
