my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize